


Crossbow

by syrupwit



Category: Stellar Firma (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, brief joking reference to suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29422341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrupwit/pseuds/syrupwit
Summary: Hartro employs a variation on one of her problem-solving strategies.
Relationships: Trexel Geistman/Hartro Piltz
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	Crossbow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mossy_Birch (Mossy_Bench)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossy_Bench/gifts).



> Written for this prompt: "Hartro catches feelings and assumes someone (Trexel) has poisoned her, somehow. What other logical explanation could there be??"

"Hartro," said David 7 carefully, stepping to the side without lowering his arms, "if you could put down the crossbow?"

Hartro's grip and aim remained steady. "The crossbow stays out until I get answers."

"I have to say, I'm not impressed with this new strategy of yours," Trexel opined. "When you held us at gunpoint the first time, sure, it was effective. But you can't always go around threatening people with weapons. It gets stale. How do I know that's even a real crossbow?"

Hartro shot the wall.

_Bad call!_

As alarms blared, IMOGEN repeatedly alerted Security, and David had a panic attack in the corner, Trexel conceded that it was a real crossbow.

"So, you see, I'm serious." Hartro trained the crossbow on Trexel, having correctly predicted that he wouldn't notice it was out of ammo. "Tell me how to reverse what you did to me, and I'll consider sparing your life."

"What I did to you?" said Trexel blankly. Poor David was still whimpering in the corner.

"Yes! The poison, drugs, whatever. Hypnosis. Brainwashing. Subliminal messages." She frowned as enlightenment failed to dawn on him. "You know, the thing you did that made me start caring when I upset you."

Trexel stared at her. "You... care when you upset me? You care about me?"

She flinched. "It's bad enough without you rubbing it in." 

"But Hartro, this is amazing!" Forgetting that he was supposed to be threatened, Trexel began to pace with excitement. "No one's cared about me for... hah, I can't even calculate how long. I'm torn between weeping at your feet and plotting how best to exploit this terrible weakness you've confessed."

"Why don't you shut your trap before you get crossbowed in the face," said Hartro, but Trexel was off in his own little world. While she brandished her weapon and tried to regain his attention, he composed a ditty:

> _Hartro Piltz_   
>  _Cares for me_   
>  _How tragic is that?_   
>  _Abominably_
> 
> _Hartro Piltz_   
>  _Her fatal flaw_   
>  _Is that she loves—_

"Stop right there," Hartro interrupted. "I won't take this slander. I didn't say a word about any of that."

"You clearly do love me, though," Trexel argued. "You have all along. That's why you put your feet in my mouth so often. It's a well-recognized method of stifling inconvenient affections."

Hartro groaned. "All I said is that I cared when I upset you! That's disturbing enough. Occasionally and involuntarily experiencing a grudging bit of sympathy for someone is not the same as being _in love._ " She spat the last two words like a curse. 

"You love me," Trexel gloated. "You love me, and you just aren't brave enough to admit it."

"If I thought I loved you, I would ask the Board to recycle me."

"Well, if I requited the weird, embarrassing feelings that you definitely have for me, I would ask the Board to recycle both of us!"

Hartro said angrily, "You know what, the point is moot. Either you didn't poison me, or I'm so strong that my system already processed it, because I've returned to not caring about you. In fact, I'm going to hurt you right now. Trexel, go away, no one likes you."

Trexel laughed. "That's denial, Hartro, pure and plain. You adore me, and I'm going to prove it to you."

"I just want to say," David interjected, popping up nearby, "that you two deserve each other."

"You take that back," the others said in unison, and gasped. Trexel's subsequent meltdown provided sufficient cover for David to sneak the crossbow to a wall receptacle, where it was safely disposed of.


End file.
